Patience and Love.........

I never realized growing up how much time and effort is involved in being a caregiver... until I became my Moms caregiver about 6 years ago.  At first she was able to pretty much function on her own but as time went on things slowly started to change. My Mom is now 88 years young and can still get around the house with the aid of a cane or walker but I can see how much her health has deteriorated over the last several years. About a year and a half ago she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, she had the lump removed but decided she did not want Chemo or Radiation, The doctor informed us that he could not get all the cancer without removing her breast but she did not want to go that route.  She did take cancer meds orally for about 7 months (she was suppose to be on these drugs for 5 years) but they caused her to have severe diahrea and over time she lost about 30 lbs. She told the doctor she wanted off of the meds and he told us at her age you just have to respect what the patient wants.  After being off of the meds for several months the diahrea stopped, her appetite increased but she never did gain back any of the weight she had lost.  Recently she was in the hospital for a lower bowel abscess which they were able to treat with antibiotics, but low and behold her diahrea has returned.  During her stay in the hospital she had scans done which showed her gallbladder and pancreas are distended and the ducts are dialated..she refuses to have any further testing done.  Without additional tests we really have no way of knowing what is causing this problem...this is new since last May when she  previously had scans.  Regardless.... whatever is causing this problem would require major surgery which she probably would not survive....(her scans also showed large amount of calcifications around her aorta and all of her aortic branches).....  The Doctor said it could be cancer but we really do not know......
It is getting harder to get her out to her doctor appointments....getting her in and out of the car is extremely hard for me but somehow I am still manageing...the one thing I have lost with Parkinsons is Physical Strength.....When I take her out to a store I need to push her in a wheelchair because she can not walk for extended periods....(at the end of these days I am extremely exhausted).... I have learned from being a caregiver it takes alot of patience and love......you have to put the person you are caring for needs in front of your own....and it takes alot of strength.  One day I sat down with my husband Jeff and told him....."Honey I want to thank you now for everything you are going to have to do for me in the future, I know first hand how hard it is going to be for you....And at times I know it will be trying and you will be overwhelmed...and it may seem like I don't appreciate what you are doing.... but please always remember one Very Important Thing...HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU."